TRIBUNAL OF THE REEF -- EST. 2026
A panel of reef inhabitants delivering verdicts on flavor, mood, and precedent.
CHAPTER ONE
Twelve rulings issued by the panel, on matters of taste, ritual, and reef-conduct. Each tile is a finding of fact.
A drink without acid is a hung jury. The panel finds, by unanimous decision of the Wrasse Bench, that lime, lemon, or grapefruit must appear before the ice does. Bitterness is admitted as expert testimony. Sweetness is permitted only with a corroborating witness.
Verdict: Sustained.An olive is a witness, not a defendant. It speaks last, and only when called.
Verdict: Sustained.Margaritas are admitted to evidence with a salted rim. The Tang Court, sitting en banc, reminds counsel that pre-salting the glass interior constitutes prejudicial flavoring and shall be stricken from the record.
Verdict: Sustained.Forbidden, except at funerals.
Verdict: Overruled.Bartenders making a martini in the presence of opposing counsel shall stir without striking the bar spoon against the mixing glass. Audible bartending constitutes prejudicial showmanship.
Verdict: Sustained, with concurrence.A garnish that requires four toothpicks is a brief, not a drink.
Verdict: Sustained.The Parrotfish bench takes judicial notice that coconut, being neither a nut nor a fruit per the modern pleadings, functions as ambience rather than ingredient. Bartenders are directed to deploy it accordingly.
Verdict: Sustained.A single large rock is preferred for affidavit cocktails. Crushed ice is reserved for confessions.
Verdict: Sustained.Paper drink-umbrellas are admitted as ceremonial regalia, not as weather protection. The Angelfish concur in result, dissent in part on the question of color admissibility.
Verdict: Sustained.Two short straws are admitted; one long straw is admitted; three of any length is presumptive evidence of a pina colada.
Verdict: Sustained.Permitted by stipulation. Third rounds require leave of the court.
Verdict: Sustained.The Wrasse, writing for the majority, holds that gratuity is a question of moral character, not contract. The dissent argues for a presumptive 20%, and is, on these facts, persuasive.
Verdict: Concurring in part.CHAPTER TWO
Hover any inhabitant to call them to the stand. They will swear, briefly, and return to the current.
A tribunal, a reef, a bar. Court remains in session.
Designed at the bench of the reef. Set in DM Serif Display, Lora, and JetBrains Mono. No photography was admitted to evidence.