LOADING LUDICROUS QUEST v2.7.3...

WARNING: Quest makes no sense.

PRESS ANY KEY TO BEGIN

THE GATE OF MODERATE INCONVENIENCE

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   |             |
   |  ___   ___  |
   | |   | |   | |
   | |   | |   | |
   | |___| |___| |
   |      .      |
   |_____/ \_____|
  /               \
 /                 \
                    

You stand before a gate. It is slightly ajar. A sign reads "PULL." You push. It opens anyway. A voice from nowhere says "close enough." You step through.

> Enter the gate

THE HALLWAY OF UNNECESSARY LENGTH

You walk. You continue walking. You consider why this hallway exists. It does not answer. The walls are beige. The floor is also beige. The ceiling -- and you are not sure why you checked -- is beige. There are no doors, no turns, no features of any kind. Just hallway. You walk faster. The hallway does not get shorter. You walk slower. The hallway does not get longer. It is exactly as long as it has always been, which is longer than any hallway has a right to be.

You begin to suspect the hallway is the point.

AESTHETIC LEVEL: STABLE.

THE DRAGON OF MILD ANNOYANCE

        /\_/\
       / o o \
      (  >^<  )
       )     (
      /       \
     / /|   |\ \
    (_/ |   | \_)
        |___|
        |   |
       _|   |_
      (_______)
                    

The dragon is not fearsome. It is inconvenient. It sits in the middle of the path, breathing lukewarm air and wanting to discuss its feelings. "I just feel like no one takes me seriously as a threat," it says, scratching one ear with a wing.

> Talk to dragon

> Offer snack

CHOICE ENGINE NOT IMPLEMENTED. PROCEEDING.

THE CHEST OF DISAPPOINTING CONTENTS

       _________
      /         \
     /           \
    |  _________  |
    | |         | |
    | |   ???   | |
    | |_________| |
    |_____________|
      |  O    O  |
      |__________|
                    

You open the chest. Inside is a slightly smaller chest. You open that. Inside is a note that reads: "Congratulations! You found a chest inside a chest. This counts as one (1) item." You add the smaller chest to your inventory. It rattles suspiciously.

AESTHETIC LEVEL: INCREASING.

THE FINAL BOSS (NOT REALLY)

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| __ ) / _ \/ ___/ ___|
|  _ \| | | \___ \___ \
| |_) | |_| |___) |__) |
|____/ \___/|____/____/
                    

The final boss looms before you. It is the word BOSS, written very large. It stares at you with the intensity of a word that knows it is supposed to be intimidating but isn't sure how. You stare back. It blinks first.

BOSS DEFEATED. (You did nothing. It was scared of you.)

THE PLOT TWIST ROOM

The real quest was the horizontal scrolling you did along the way.

Think about it. You moved your finger across a trackpad, or scrolled a wheel, or pressed an arrow key, and in doing so you traversed seven rooms of absurdity. The quest demanded nothing of you except forward motion. And you provided it. Heroically.

PLOT TWIST: There was no plot.

QUEST COMPLETE

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     /   \
    | ??? |
    |  ?  |
     \ ? /
      | |
      |_|
       .
                    

Thank you for playing LUDICROUS.QUEST.

Your final score: LUDICROUS.

Your quest rating: FIVE STARS (out of a possible three).

Your time: irrelevant.

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