Quarterly of Irregular Natural Histories · Established under the third bridge
Being a Catalogue of Marvels, Curiosities, and Beloved Nonsense, patiently classified by the Goblin Lexicographer in Residence.
Vol. XVII — Fascicle III — Anno MMXXVI · persimmon season
No price. The catalogue is its own reward; the lots are not for sale and were, in several cases, never the curator’s to begin with.
Foreword (unfinished). The present fascicle gathers nine lots recovered from the curator’s own drawers, shelf, sink, and — in one regrettable instance — coat pocket. Each is here described in the manner of the better natural-history journals, with binomial, provenance, and such footnotes as the hour permitted. The curator intended to say more about method, but the kettle —
I.
Plate the FirstA house-snail’s shell, seven turns true, recovered from beneath the kitchen sink during what the curator’s notes call “the great flooding of last Thursday.” Regnant period unknown. The underbelly bears the characteristic hatch the curator now believes is wear, not engraving.❖1
recovered, sink-side · mounted on velvet offcut
Coleoptera—
II.
The Lead PlateLot the Second, and the curator’s favourite: one dried beetle wing, venation drawn here as eleven branching lines (the curator counted twice, then a third time, and the third count is the one printed). The mounting pin is original; the beetle is not present and is presumed to have walked off in 1971.❖2
pinned · provenance: the curator’s own windowsill
household—
III.
Trinket DrawerA brass thimble, dimpled all over its dome, identified in the curator’s ledger as “household reliquary, late goblin baroque.” The label tape reads Lot III in the curator’s own hand, which is to say crookedly.
brass · reliquary, late baroque
a—
IV.
Trinket DrawerA cracked porcelain doorknob; the crack drawn here as a single jagged line, faithfully. A mounting nail descends from its base. The curator records that it “came off in my hand, which is precisely how I came to have it.”❖3
porcelain · handle missing, not damaged
a—
V.
Sealed CorrespondenceA folded letter, sealed with a wax disc bearing the curator’s personal seal-press — a seven-pointed star. Arrived in a wax-sealed envelope dated 1907; the wax has since been re-sealed by the curator after a small accident involving toast.❖4
wax · re-sealed 1907 · toast incident noted
a—
VI.
The Hoard, CataloguedEleven bottle-caps, stacked into a modest isometric pyramid, each cap individually drawn with its crimp-marks indicated by twelve radial dashes. The curator notes: “they were collected over years, in good faith, and arranged on a Tuesday that it had rained on.”
❖1 On wear vs. engraving. The curator no longer holds that the snail-shell hatch is decorative; see the recantation appended to the colophon. ❖2 On the absent beetle. A circular of 1971 records the loss; the wing was retained for “sentimental and scholarly” reasons, in that order.
caps, eleven · collected in good faith
a—
VII.
The Overdue ReferenceA bound book lying half-open on its spine, the page block drawn as nine horizontal strata, the binding tape visible. The volume is, the ledger admits, overdue at a library the curator declines to name — “they know where I live; they have not come; the matter is therefore closed.”❖3
❖3 On acquisition by hand. Three lots in this fascicle — IV, VII, and one the curator will not specify — were acquired by the simple expedient of the object coming away in the curator’s grasp. No malice. Mostly. ❖4 On the toast. The 1907 envelope’s wax met a warm crumb in 1973 and softened; the curator pressed it shut again with the same seal, and considers the provenance unimpaired.
bound book · overdue, matter closed
a—
VIII.
Domestic ReliquaryA teacup with no handle, a tiny saucer beneath, a single drawn line indicating residual liquid the curator has elected not to identify. “The handle,” the ledger says, “is elsewhere; the cup is here; this is the natural order of cups.”
porcelain · handle elsewhere
a—
IX.
m. —
MMXXVI