Her Excellency
Lady Ophelia Wisp
Ambassador Plenipotentiary
Materialised in 1879. Specialises in soft sighs, parlour negotiations, and the gentle relocation of teacups.
Official Communiqué No 0042
A diplomatic mission of polite phantoms, courteous wraiths, and exceptionally well-mannered poltergeists. We extend formal greetings, conduct treaties, and process visitation visas under the auspices of mutual haunting respect.
By the perpetual decree of the Phantom Council and the gracious will of His Translucency the Lord Wraith,
we hereby establish a permanent diplomatic presence within the realm of the breathing, pledging to boo with the utmost cordiality, to materialise only at scheduled hours, and to refrain from rattling cutlery during state dinners.
— Ambassador Lady Ophelia Wisp
Each phantom listed below has been credentialed by the Council of Quiet Drafts and bears full immunity under the Treaty of Translucent Conduct.
Materialised in 1879. Specialises in soft sighs, parlour negotiations, and the gentle relocation of teacups.
Crossed over in 1903. Renowned for the precision of his creaks and the exquisite timing of his draughts.
Departed the corporeal in 1921. Curates the embassy's collection of half-remembered lullabies and lost letters.
Slipped away mid-sentence in 1934. Drafts every formal letter the embassy issues, in an exquisite copperplate hand.
Establishes a maximum decibel limit for nocturnal disturbances and codifies the proper interval (no fewer than seven minutes) between successive door-rattles.
Reciprocal recognition of creaks, groans, and unaccountable settling sounds as protected forms of phantom expression.
Defines reflective courtesies; requires phantoms to nod politely if seen unexpectedly behind a living person's shoulder.
A bilateral framework for the timely return of borrowed keys, spectacles, and individual socks within forty-eight earthly hours.
Provisional agreement on reasonable interference with router signals during séances and other ceremonial broadcasts.
Upon entering the chancery, introduce yourself audibly. Phantoms find unannounced arrivals dreadfully impolite, even from the living.
Screaming, while traditional, is considered a faux pas at official functions. A muted gasp is the acceptable reaction.
Embassy tea is, by ancient custom, brewed without leaves or water. Visitors should accept the cup, sip the air, and thank the host.
Drafts in the embassy are diplomatic personnel. Trapping one underfoot constitutes an international incident.
Phantoms reserve the right to appear, partially appear, or not appear at all. Empty corridors in your photograph are official portraits.
Walk out backwards no more than three steps, then turn calmly. Running suggests fear, which the embassy cordially forbids.
Submit the following form to request the formal services of an accredited phantom. Applications are reviewed on the next moonlit Tuesday.