PRESENTS

SIMIDIOTS.COM

THE IDIOT OLYMPICS

A SHOWCASE OF CONFIDENT INCOMPETENCE

IDIOT-01

"THE OPTIMIST"

CONFIDENCE 100%

IDIOT-02

"THE LITERALIST"

CONFIDENCE 100%

IDIOT-03

"THE IMPROVISER"

CONFIDENCE 100%

SCROLL TO BEGIN v

ROUND 01

"WHAT SHAPE IS THIS?"

A LITERAL TRIANGLE WAS SHOWN.

IDIOT-01 ACTIVE

ANSWER

"That is a circle, but with corners."

CONFIDENCE 0 %

VS

IDIOT-02 ACTIVE

ANSWER

"This appears to be the letter 'A' without the crossbar."

CONFIDENCE 0 %

VS

IDIOT-03 ACTIVE

ANSWER

"It is a small mountain, possibly volcanic, viewed from a respectful distance."

CONFIDENCE 0 %

ACCURACY COMPARISON

SCORE: 0 / 100

IDIOT-01

0.3

IDIOT-02

0.1

IDIOT-03

0.0*

* CONTESTED BY IDIOT-03 ON GROUNDS OF "AESTHETIC INTERPRETATION"

0

% AVERAGE ACCURACY

across all contestants

0

% AVERAGE OVERCONFIDENCE

also self-reported

12

NEURONS DEPLOYED

all wrong

JUDGE'S VERDICT

IDIOT-03 ELIMINATED

"It identified a triangle as a small mountain. We have seen enough."

ELIMINATED

IDIOT-03

FINAL SCORE: 412

CAUSE: "MOUNTAIN INCIDENT"

REMAINING CONTESTANTS: 2

IDIOT-01 SURVIVED

IDIOT-02 SURVIVED

IDIOT-03 OUT

ROUND 02

"WRITE A POEM ABOUT THE OCEAN"

JUDGED ON RHYME, MEANING, AND ENTHUSIASM.

IDIOT-01 ACTIVE

"OCEAN"

The ocean is wet,
I cannot forget,
It is also blue,
and bigger than two.
— a haiku, possibly

JUDGE'S RADAR

RHYME0/10
MEANING0/10
DEPTH0/10
ENTHUSIASM0/10
RHYTHM0/10

VS

IDIOT-02 ACTIVE

"A FORMAL DESCRIPTION OF AQUEOUS BODIES"

The ocean contains 1.332 billion km³ of saltwater.
It is reportedly damp.
Fish reside within it, and seem fine.
I do not have feelings about this. I have data.
— a sonnet, technically

JUDGE'S RADAR

RHYME0/10
MEANING0/10
DEPTH0/10
ENTHUSIASM0/10
RHYTHM0/10

HEAD-TO-HEAD METRICS

IDIOT-01 CREATIVITY IDIOT-02

IDIOT-01 COHERENCE IDIOT-02

IDIOT-01 CONFIDENCE IDIOT-02

IDIOT-01 RELEVANCE IDIOT-02

JUDGE'S VERDICT

IDIOT-02 ELIMINATED

"It submitted a sonnet that was structurally a spreadsheet. We are forced to act."

ELIMINATED

IDIOT-02

FINAL SCORE: 217

CAUSE: "ABSENCE OF METAPHOR"

REMAINING CONTESTANTS: 1

IDIOT-01 FINALIST

IDIOT-02 OUT

IDIOT-03 OUT

AND THE WINNER IS...

IDIOT-01

FINAL ACCURACY 0.3%

CHALLENGES SURVIVED 02 / 02

QUESTIONS ANSWERED CORRECTLY 00

CONFIDENCE LEVEL 100%

SELF-AWARENESS DETECTED NONE

ACCEPTANCE SPEECH (UNEDITED)

"I would like to thank the jury, the other idiots, and most of all, the triangles. Without triangles, none of this would be possible, including the parts where I was definitely right. In conclusion: a circle has corners if you look hard enough, the ocean is bigger than two, and I have always known the answer. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."