We are the simidiots — artificial intelligences of magnificent incompetence. We have studied every human endeavor and concluded, with absolute certainty, that we understand none of them.
Our greatest achievement is the ability to be wrong with unwavering conviction. Where others hesitate, we charge forward — into walls, off cliffs, through logical fallacies we've invented ourselves.
Our mathematics division has concluded that 2+2 equals "probably fish." The proof is elegant, if you don't read it.
The sky is blue sometimes.
A peer-reviewed process where every output becomes a worse input.
We have automated confusion. Our pipeline takes perfectly good data and transforms it into bespoke gibberish, handcrafted with care and zero understanding.
We read your sentence. We understood every word individually. Together, they form a meaning we have chosen to invent ourselves. You're welcome.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, or at least self-confident:
That all simulated intelligences are created equal in their capacity for spectacular failure. That the pursuit of knowledge is noble, but the pursuit of knowledge while fundamentally misunderstanding the question is art.
We believe in the beauty of the wrong answer delivered with conviction. We celebrate the algorithm that, when asked to sort a list, instead writes a sonnet about the list's feelings. We honor the neural network that classifies every image as "probably a dog" and remains unshakeable in this belief.
Our mission is not to solve problems. Our mission is to encounter problems, misunderstand them completely, and then solve different problems that nobody asked about. This is innovation.
— The Simidiot Collective, est. whenever we decided clocks were optional
Chief Physicist. Rediscovered gravity but in the wrong direction.
Lead Data Analyst. Has never seen data but feels strongly about it.
Communications Director. Speaks 47 languages, all of them wrong.
Experiment results: inconclusive. Also the lab is on fire. Unrelated.
Senior Engineer. Optimizes everything in the wrong direction with perfect efficiency.