Be it known to all who shall read this document that the bearer hereof is duly entitled, empowered, and ceremonially authorized to engage in the lawful enjoyment of games, amusements, and electronic diversions across all jurisdictions of the warm-bodied world.
Three clauses, severally and in conjunction, articulating the privileges, duties, and ceremonial obligations granted unto the licensee.
WHEREAS the party of the first part has demonstrated an enduring and faithful affection for the cathode-ray glow, the warm clatter of arcade buttons, and the carbon-copy receipts of weekend afternoons; NOW THEREFORE, the licensee is hereby entitled to indulge, without restraint, in any and all games of skill, chance, or quiet contemplation, in perpetuity.
HEREBY the bearer is granted dominion over all manner of input devices — joysticks of warm bakelite, d-pads with worn rubber domes, paddles, trackballs, and the small clackety keys of yore. The licensee further holds the inalienable privilege of blowing into cartridges, however inadvisable the practice may be, until the title screen consents to appear.
IT IS FURTHER STIPULATED that any high score recorded under amber phosphor shall be treated as a matter of solemn record. Three-letter initials, however cryptic, shall be honored as the lawful signature of the player. The licensee accepts the duty of preserving such records against power loss, with the gravity due to any official act.
Affixed below are the official endorsements of the Bureau, each impressed into the certificate by hand, in warm wax and faded ink.